Overwhelming frustration

We FINALLY got our October numbers. We are 10 for a girl and 4 for a boy. Yep, only moved one spot for a girl and no spots for a boy. It is very frustrating! We are so close, yet so far away! I can't even be excited any more b/c it is becoming obvious that are wait at the top is going to be long!!!

I have been amazed at my strength on this journey.I'm a planner. I like to be in control. There is no part of the adoption world that can be controlled or planned and for the most part, I've been okay with that. I have amazed myself with my strength and my ability to trust in God. I've certainly struggled a lot more lately. I think that is the case the closer you get. I'm doubting more and more. I think the bottom line is that I'm tired. Tired of waiting. Tired of thinking of our future. Tired of trying to live in the moment, while thinking our family is not complete and part of us is across the world. Tired of wondering when things will happen. Tired of jumping through more hoops and doing more paperwork. Tired. Just plain tired! Physically and emotionally.

We are in the process of updating our home study. It doesn't expire until 2013, but in order to get our FDL extension, our home study must be updated in the past 6 months. Grrr...We never thought we would be updating all of this stuff b/c we were supposed to be done with this already. HA! Funny!!! We went in to the clinic yesterday. They were great! It is a blessing living in a small town when it comes to things like this. Our social worker is coming on Friday for a home study update visit. Jason and I will leave school for about an hour. It is also parent/teacher conferences. No stress at all or something like that.

There are other things going on with some of the families from our agency that makes me think I shouldn't even feel sad that we are at the point that we are at, but man it is hard! Adoption is NOT easy. Someone mentioned to me that it must be easier than being pregnant since I was so sick when I was pregnant. No way is it comparable. This is tough stuff!!!! We know God called us to this journey. We know He will provide and not leave us while on this journey. In the mean time, we pray for peace and for patience.

We know it will all be in God's perfect time and that He is getting all of the pieces to fit perfectly together. A friend from our agency, got their court date. It is scheduled for the day that their son went to Heaven. Proof that God is with us every step of the way.

Another friend posted this on the list serve and it was a good reminder to me:

It's so hard to hear of the struggles we all go through with adoption. For some
reason, God called each of us to adopt, He called us to start the process when
we did, he allowed these things to happen, these struggles during this time, and
it just does not make sense. Praying God's peace - as you continue to wait.
Peace that passes understanding.

Thanks for your continued support and prayers. This has not been easy and I foresee the hardest days yet to come. Thanks for walking down this path with us. It is greatly appreciated.