Struggling with the wait

I haven't updated for awhile. There isn't much to say. We wait and wait and wait. We are trying to be patient, but there are days when that is really challenging. The wait is hard enough. The wait is even worse with all of the unknowns with the courts. There hasn't been an infant referral for about a month and a half. The waiting is a little bit easier when you know others are getting good news and we just have to wait our turn. When we took the leap of faith and said yes to God's plan for us to adopt from a different country, we had no idea what this really meant. We had no idea what a journey this would be. Wow!!! I've mentioned the roller coaster of emotions before, but with all that is going on it is more than that. The thoughts that go through our heads are unreal. Awhile ago I freaked out a bit thinking about the delay that could happen with the change in the courts. It didn't take me too long and I was thinking rationally again. Lately I've been doubting again. It is hard to sit back and say "It is all in God's timing." If there was some movement with referrals it would be a bit easier. We know God led us to this. We know this is His will for us, but some days it is soooooo hard to not let the human part take over. Today I felt rather calm about things. That means nothing as tomorrow things could be so different. One thing that I have really learned is how much the adoption journey plays into my emotions of every day life. What is going on in the adoption world can make things in our every day life better or worse. Some people might say we shouldn't think about it so much. Well, this is OUR CHILD that we are thinking of. It is OUR CHILD that we are waiting for. It is OUR CHILD that we long for and that our heart is aching for. So can you tell me that you could just go about life and not think about your child? Imagine being told you have an amazing gift waiting for you. This gift will change your life. It will bring you so much happiness. Yet....you have no idea when you will get the gift. It might be months or it might be years. Even if you are thinking in terms of this "gift",  any time you have to wait is too long.Imagine waiting years for this gift. Heartbreaking!!! So, I'm pregnant and expecting, but have no idea when the due date will be. Will it be in 2010? 2011? Only God knows. I do ask for prayers for patience and understanding as this wait is sooooo hard.

Tonight when I put Lexi to bed, she read a devotion that was quite the God brick for me.

April 27
"Perfect Timing"

There is a right time for everything. Ecclesiastes 3:1
It's not easy to be patient when you want something to happen. Waiting for your
birthday to come or for summer to start can be so hard! But God has a time for
everything. He made the seasons long enough for flowers and trees to grow. He
made the days long enough for both work and play. When you get impatient,
remember that everything happens exactly when God wants it to. His time is the
perfect time.

God's in control of the days and the seasons. He plans it all for the greatest
of reasons.


I thought it was interesting that this devotion came up now in the midst of my
impatience. Interesting also that my 9 year old said, "Mom this is like how
things are when we are waiting for our kid." This is what Jesus means when He
says to have faith like a child.